why i will raise my children a la africaine

i've been posting all my bits of dismay, so i want to talk a bit about the ideas i plan to take with me when i leave here. i really believe that we have a lot to learn from the beninese, who, in material comparison, cannot even imagine the lives we live in the US-- the kids were all amused when i said that we use a machine to wash clothes, so when i said that we also use a machine to do our dishes, i had teenagers literally shrieking with laughter.

as a result of both culture and material circumstances, kids are so much more competent with basic household tasks than any children i've encountered elsewhere, and i think this gives them a great sense of fulfillment. the kids at the orphelinat and in the quartier where i live all have a lot of fun and play games and sing songs like any other kids. but they also do their own laundry, fetch their own water, cook their own food, annnnd, to top it off, do anything, any errand that an adult asks of them. i am now rereading The Poisonwood Bible (which is an incredible experience as a reader, being in west africa and reading this beautiful, incredibly vivid book about the fictional experience of a family of american women in africa) and in it, barbara kingsolver makes some comment about how there are only two age categories here-- babies who don't yet walk and need to be carried, and everyone else, who walk on their own feet, literally and metaphorically. such a perfect way to explain it. you see toddlers here carrying babies on their backs and 8 year olds teaching 3 year olds to do things. the kids at the orphelinat have been chopping down enormous trees across the main road, sawing the logs, and carting the wood back to the orphanage every day for a week and a half, wearing flip flops all the while (i admit, this part of it pains me to watch)- work that, in the states, we hire out to 30 yr old men in timberland boots and hard plastic helmets.

i am convinced that this is the foundation of their general work ethic- you don't have to tell kids here to do their homework because they already understand the concept of effort and result. where in the US, the idea of work is so abstract for young kids- do a good job on your spelling words so that you can go to a good college- here, everyone understands why you have to hunker down and do your work. if you don't do a good job washing your clothes, you alone bear the consequences, even if you're only 6 years old. and it seems that this gives kids a much deeper rooted sense of self-confidence and a very different kind of maturity.

though there are some kinds of coddling i think parents could stand to incorporate into their modus operandi (namely the purchase of basic medical supplies and a few pairs of socks for when kids have massively infected cuts on their feet and continue to walk barefoot or flip-flopped over the chicken-shit covered ground), i am really impressed with the beninese parenting process overall.